Saturday, February 26, 2011

How a Big Man Like Ralph Payne Was Brought to His Knees by a Wee Shrew


In the words of GO on Feb 20th, 2011:
"Everyone knows Ralph Payne to be a man of might ... this guy can bench press our new 800 lbs Scandic before he has a piece of poppy seed bread. No doubt he's strong, but according to Diane Hanratty, the man can be brought to his knees by a wee shrew. On Saturday, Ralph and Jim cleaned out all the shrews that had taken up residence in the trail lights on the Foxtrot and Ralph has been beside himself ever since. In fact, the man didn't get a wink of sleep the night before. Judy said he tossed and turned all night and three or four times he sat straight up like a poker in bed and screeched ... "He's crawlin' up my leg!" Fortunately Judy, the good nurse, calmed him down and got him back to ... No!..... Not to sleep! ... But back into a state of mild agitation! That's the best she could do. Finally, Ralph could take it no more and just after daylight he jumped up and yelled out to Judy: "Do we have a mop!!! Judy I want to know!!! DO WE HAVE A MOP!!!! Once again Judy was stunned by his state of alarm and vexation. But she calmly replied, "Pray tell honey, but why do you need a mop at 6:00 a.m.?" "I need one to clean out the shrew's nest!!!!" said Ralph."

"Fast forward to a little later in the day. Ralph arrives at the chalet with mop in hand ... yes a grey yacht map ... apparently already to do business with the shrews. I thought he had come to do the floors, but then he jumped aboard the skidoo with Jim Chassion and headed off to make the assault on the little critters atop the light poles ..... before they left, I could see that Ralph looked .... welll ... He looked pitiful ... eyes were darting left and right ... and he just wasn't himself. Of course, I knew nothing of the restless sleep Mr. Payne had endured ... a night of terror during which he envisioned shrews tearing his muscular body apart sinew by sinew. No I was privvy to none of that until today when Judy enlightened us at the chalet."

"Fast forward to the scene of the assault .... Diane Hanratty arrives on the scene with camera in hand and here was the every-ready Jim Chaisson up the pole disconnecting the light fixture and lowering it down to Mr. Shrew Evictor Extraordinaire. Diane said it was quite the operation .. Here was Ralph standing off in the distance like a fencer ... jabbing the mop at the fixture trying to dislodge the tenants who were snuggled in ever so nicely .... And when they would come out of their nest Ralph would scurry across the trail in the opposite direction ... Poor Jim taking all this in from above, almost fell off the pole! This story has been embellished, but it is 43% accurate and has been stitched together from reliable hearsay ... but as far as I'm concerned it can all be summed up by saying: Thanks Jim and Ralph for working on your days off to mantanin the lights for our night skiers .... Light and Power are shrew(d) operators and always there for us. Thanks on behalf of the members especially our noctoral brothers and sisters. Hmmmm ... Ralph ... how are you with bats? ... cause we .... ooops better not go any further."

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